Want to know How to be a Good Mum? 3 ways to Lead your Family like a pro

Parenting

22 Dec

Many women are searching for guidance on how to be a good mum - because most of us feel like there is a huge gap between what our parents did, and how we are expected to show up now - by our kids, ourselves, our partner, and society.

Also, there is huge pressure to have it all planned out, together, and this means we can feel that huge imposter syndrome, like we’re faking it until we make it, if we don’t know how to be a good mum!

Firstly - if you’re reading this, there is every likelihood that you are already a wonderful mother to your children. Unless you’re just starting some personal development, after a terrible time in your life; anyone who isn’t already a good parent will not usually be reading this blog, right?

This post will share 3 ways you can start to lead your family like a pro - and consequently, how to be a good mum (or even better than you are)!

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links, which may mean I get a small commission, at no cost to you. Thanks for reading!

Why is it important to lead your family?

I’ve spent a lot of years working with mums as a coach, leader at my church in various capacities, and as a teacher - and it’s been amazing watching the mums who are good leaders. While ‘like a pro’ might seem like something silly to aim for, this is an absolute fundamental when it comes to creating a family who is close-knit, loving, and can work together and (learn) to appreciate each other.

(Also, every mum, every dad, and every child can always make mistakes and start working for themselves in any moment, too. So, you might learn everything about how to be a good mum and then make an impulsive, quick decision tomorrow which you feel totally embarrassed about. Don’t think you get it all together and it always stays together - like anything worthwhile, you have to work at it!)

So, here are my 3 tips on how to be a good mum and lead your family like a pro!

1: Servant Hearted Leadership is key.

Good leaders lead from the front - but they don’t make the ‘little guys’ do all the hard work while they flaunt their status. (Remember, we aren’t Julius Caesar. We want our kids to love and respect us, not do things out of fear.)

So, this means that you join your children in doing the dirty jobs at times. I can hear you saying - ‘but I do all the dirty jobs!’ Well, here’s my post on inspiring your kids towards household chores! Bookmark this for later! >>>

Servant hearted leadership is not just what we do, but the attitude behind what we are doing. So, we work on things like this:

Aim to do things without grumbling, or groaning - yes, it’s hard;
Give your child your attention instead of the housework, as often as you can without living in a dump - servant hearted leaders value relationship, and so do the crew you’re leading
Look for ways to make people smile, and let them know they are important to you, and this is why you care for them.

These are all great tips for starters on how to be a good mum - and leader!

Jesus was the ultimate servant hearted leader. He showed us how to wash other people’s feet as a metaphor for how to actually care for others - but he was still a determined, guiding leader who knew exactly what he was doing with His disciples. That sort of leadership can define us as a parent - and the kids will flourish.

Are you a Christian mum who wants to feel more connected to your kids, and deal with your emotional rage while healing your inner child? Click here to go to my Bookings page and find out about how you can save 30% on your first booking!

2: make sure you stick to your word

This is another biggie for us all, mums or not. It’s so important to make sure you say what you mean, and mean what you say.

So, if you say ‘We are going to the beach today’, try to say it when you are fairly sure you will be doing so. We all have to learn flexibility too, and this includes kids - but whenever you can keep your word, do so.

The focus of this section, however, is to make sure you stick by your word when it comes to what is happening. So, when you say ‘It’s time to clean your room in 5 minutes’, it is time to clean in 5 minutes. Not time to refuse, blob around on the floor, or whine about everything. As a parent, what we say is happening should (mostly) be happening. Find a way to make it happen!

When we stick to our word (in every situation) we build trust in our children, and also a healthy respect at the same time. This means they are aware that not only will they be expected to clean their rooms when asked, but also we will go the extra mile to make sure they do, in a healthy, loving but leading-type way.

So, if they don’t do it, it’s miss-out-on-the-next-activity time, until that room is clean. (Depending on the age of the child, because it needs to be age-appropriate obviously - and this is something you set out at the start. Instead of ‘clean your room’, it might be ‘pack away all the clothes and soft toys on your floor’.)

The other side of this coin is that building respect and trust for our word in this way means our kids learn that because we mean what we say, we will go all the way for them. This means when we say we will back them up, or make sure they’re safe - we will do this to the best of our ability, regardless of embarrassment or hindrance.

This is a huge factor in how to be a good mum and lead like a pro - because the crew will follow and respect someone who keeps them safe and whose word they can rely on.

3: Being a good mum (and pro leader) is all about empowering and enabling people.

One of the most effective ways to stop people wanting to follow you (and, simultaneously, giving yourself way too much responsibility) is to micromanage them. While you may feel like it’s important to make sure everything is done correctly; it’s also just as important that our kids learn to make mistakes and fix them themselves - with, of course, proper supervision and support when needed.

This does not mean let your child do something super unsafe; but it also means that your child will be OK (and probably learn a lot) if you let them have a go at cooking something themselves after a few months pre-learning in the kitchen. It also means that you will need to be nearby, make sure they can read the recipe, and that you do all the ‘hot’ things yourself - that’s a safety rule.

But - imagine the day when your child can cook something for you. And not just cook something, but feel confident in themselves, and thankful to you that you let them have this responsibility. In fact, responsibility is super important in building independence.

(just for context, right now my 10 year old is cooking something in the kitchen near me - without any help at all, just my awareness/supervision nearby. This is because I have worked hard on teaching my child to cook, giving her all the right skills she needs, but also a healthy dose of learning-on-the-fly, a few failures, and a lot of helping me, as she worked up to being able to totally bake -and cook dinner if she wants to - by herself.)

Good leadership means those we are leading learn by example and opportunity. It means we show them how to do it, sometimes numerous times, and then they we allow them to have a go.

If this doesn’t happen, our children become frustrated, annoyed, and their engagement level goes down…and this means we end up with a lot more power struggles and bickering in the household, because people have had their power and autonomy taken away. Or, if you prefer, the opportunity wasn’t extended to them.

Kids need independence-building opportunities, not just end-goal opportunities.

These are three of my secrets on how to be a good mum and lead like a pro - and they’ve worked wonders for myself and my clients so far! If we want to be a mum who leads well in our families, we need to do all these things:

Be a Servant Hearted Leader (like Jesus)
Make Sure you Stick to your Word
Empower and Enable your Children, don’t squash their independence and curiosity.

If you want to know more about how to be a good mum, start building your own wellbeing too and stopping that mum guilt, pop over to my Bookings page and grab your 30% off offer, or check out one of my digital products here:

Access your Beautiful Event Planner printable here!

Click this link to go to Amazon to grab my simple ebook!

Find this Term-Length Bible Study Planner here!

What do I do in my individual coaching sessions with Mums?

In my 1:1 coaching sessions, we start by going over what is going on mentally/emotionally for you - and what you want to achieve as a result of your time with me. Most clients like to share their most desired outcome first!
Then we dig a little deeper, asking ‘why’ things happen like this; why do you behave like this, and how has that become a habit in your life? Why is this impacting your mental & emotional wellbeing so much?
I also often take my clients through different emotional processing movements and activities (only if mutually agreed) so you can feel how different feelings present in your body. This helps you understand, predict and process your emotional moments more effectively in real time, meaning you start to gain control of and understand your feelings much more effectively.
We also troubleshoot any issues your child might be having with emotions and/or behaviour if you desire.
If you are a Christian and want to enhance your relationship with God, we also set goals and go through suggestions to do this easily, as a busy Mama. It’s so easy to forget, but so important, too!
End result: you leave feeling lighter, more in control, relieved, and like you have a plan to move forward instead of feeling stuck - with someone ‘in your corner’! It’s as simple as that!

Miranda Hodge https://www.thecherishmumspacecoaching.org