Who is the boss in your home?

Who is the boss in your home? It is you and your partner? Orthe kids? #hardtruthtime

Does EVERYONE know just who runs things-who has authority?Or is this something you assume they know but the kids aren’t really sure of?

When we give in to our kids or let them give the instructions, this can send mixed messages. Who is in charge?

It’s easy to tell if you stand back and look carefully-the person in charge is the person who gets to choose what happens. 

Try it- does your child tell you when things need to happen, or do you tell them? Do they get to decide when they eat, sleep, watch TV?  It is easy to let this go without realising.

 I had a world of trouble with my first girl being a negotiator around 2-3 years old. (If you read my recent Insta post on my vertigo illness when she was one, this contributed greatly to my lack of ability to deal with it-so I learnt the hard way)

My girl is what a friend described so well as a ‘yes-no’person. When something is requested of her, she says ‘Yes Mama!’ Then strugglesto actually focus on getting the job done-or even start.  She constantly would derail my ideas infavour of her own. A conversation might go like this:

Me: ‘Let’s sit down and do this puzzle together! We’ve gotsome time now before I have to do the washing.’

E: “OK! Let’s use the puzzle pieces for shopping? I’ll getthe basket. Then you can set up the table with the cash register etc etc etc….’

Me: ‘But I said I have to get to the washing. I’ve only gota few minutes! Let’s do the puzzle.’

E: “OK Mama. Just help me set up the table for shoppingthen-and you can be the shopper.”

**disclaimer- I thoroughly agree with the idea that childrenshould be allowed to explore, come up with games and play ideas, and thatparents should sometimes join in and let the child lead the play. This is justan example of how my girl began to constantly feel she was the boss. **

So my girl would CONSTANTLY be doing this-and still tries to. She feels she has a better idea and tries to convince me to go along with it-whether it be a different way to play or do housework-and she feels that her ideas are more relevant and ‘fun’ than what I have said we can do-and they always take more time! *cringe

Now- this is not a ‘whinge’ about my daughter-just an example of how we as parents can unintentionally let our child become the ‘boss’ without realising it.  You may see all this as harmless, not a big problem-and to a point it isn’t! It really doesn’t matter until it becomes a habit and is consistently happening.

(Then it's much harder to stop.)

Basically my instructions and requests-and not just for play-were being disregarded in favour of what my daughter thought should be happening! This was then followed by me-as the parent- feeling like I had to justify my reasons and myself constantly, before my request was carried out.

Do you know the situation? It feels like a constant defending of why you do the things you do (usually putting yourself last, mind you), for everyone else.

Does anyone else feel like this? Here’s what I tried:

-Deciding first, before any discussion with the child-WHAT my actual request/instruction is. Am I willing to move from that instruction/request? If not-DON’T. Just do not move from that-no matter what the child says.

-Sometimes it helps to ASK the child who the boss is-who is in charge here. Is it them? (If they say yes, then you KNOW you’ve let something slip-but its retrievable!) If they say ‘No-it’s you’-you’re halfway there, for you can say they need to do what you asked then, etc-and add consequences if they need them.  (There is NOTHING wrong with actually saying to your child that they are not the boss-and you are. Healthy kids grow up with real, authentic PARENTS-not just friends who bow to their every request!)

-Refuse to argue. If this is a real thing you have settled on-it is not up for discussion. This is not a democracy-especially with younger kids-so they need to follow your instructions. If they don’t-consequences must occur. Make sure they know that-especially kids over 3.

Do you have this issue with any of your children? Do you find it's more personality than age group? (I'm undecided on this one)

If you resonated with this post, pop a comment below! I'd love to hear your stories and ideas on how you choose to deal with this!

Who’s the boss in your house? If it isn’t you, or you feel defensive, even embarrassed and overwhelmed that you can’t deal with it yourself-pop me an email at smartmamasmartkids@gmail.com and we can have a chat