3 Strategies: How to get Kids to Listen
Have you ever wondered how to get kids to listen to you? Or been out, asked them to do something and they just totally ignore you?
Don't worry, you're not alone.
But there are ways and means to help you manage your child's listening (and just a tip: it doesn't always require yelling at them!)
This post will cover:
- Why kids don't listen
- 3 helpful strategies you can use with your small kids
- When to use discipline
- How you can learn more and really make a difference in your parenting.
Why kids don't listen the first time
Firstly, it's completely understandable that this gets parents so frustrated. We are often seeing the impact that this 'not listening' might have on a future event or need.
For instance, if our child doesn't listen when we ask her to put her shoes on the first time, this might mean when we are ready to go out the door, she suddenly realises she doesn't have shoes-which makes it ten times more stressful and annoying for us!
If your house is anything like mine, we usually can't find the shoes at that moments, either-which means my 'calm mama' demeanour is suddenly not so calm, and more annoyed and frustrated!
Often, though, kids don't listen because they are otherwise distracted OR we don't take the time to make sure they really understand. This is especially true for smaller kids, but it stands for older children too.
Distraction may not necessarily be a toy or something obvious to us as parents. It could be a noise, a thought, or even a smell that your child is suddenly assessing and wondering about. '
Think of all the reasons we sometimes 'tune out'. These are all true of your child, and therefore it can be easy for them to get distracted or drawn into a different thought pattern-making you hard to listen to, or you may just 'fade into the background', as annoying as that may be!
However, sometimes children can be intentionally not listening, or need to learn how to listen more effectively. In this case, my Masterclass 'How to Teach Kids to Listen' will be an amazingly helpful resource for you-and if you join my Membership Facebook group first, you get 20% off the Masterclasses with a code!
3 Helpful Strategies: How to get Kids to Listen
1: Put your hand on their shoulder gently and say in a low voice: "I need you to hear this. Are you ready?"
There are many benefits to addressing this issue in this way first.
First of all, you are actually touching your child, which is of course a wonderful way to build that connection with them instantly-make sure this is a positive connection of course.
Secondly, you are able to help them (and yourself) by using a low, calm but firm tone so they know you are serious and mean what you say. I usually reserve this tone for moments that need my children to listen carefully.
It's also worth noting that children often respond more effectively to a low, calm and firm voice than a higher, angry or loud voice.
2: Gently grab your child's hand or ask them to 'come over here'. When you have their full attention, let them know what you are going to say.
Making yourself more relevant to your child (we cover this in more depth in the Masterclass) is extremely helpful. In other words, find what works and use it as positively as possible-and sometimes this can incur consequences for your child.
3: Make sure you don't expect too much of your child.
Often we can give our child instructions with little thought as to whether we have given them enough time to actually hear, comprehend, understand and action effectively.
Expecting a small child to remember (and action) 2 or 3 instructions is just too much for them a lot of the time.
Try to keep the instructions to one at a time, and let the child follow through on that one, before you ask anything else. (This is especially true for 4 years and under)
Even if your child can do this sometimes, please be aware that other times they will not be as in tune as the day before, and therefore will struggle to do this.
We need to stay aware that our children are often changing, and their tolerance, listening skills and comprehension skills go up and down with distraction, overwhelm and tiredness, too.
When to introduce discipline
It's up to us as the parent to make sure our child is listening to us, and if they are not listening and refuse to, (and none of the above are working) this is when it's time to introduce some logical consequences.
Every consequence needs to be real, relevant, and aimed at the behaviour, not the child's personality or character. The aim is not to 'punish' your child for not listening, but to teach them that listening is what they need to do.
When to know if it's time:
- When your child starts backchatting you (!)
- When you have asked a few times (and you know they heard) and they haven't done so
- When you are feeling powerless yourself (but stay calm!)
These are good times to start with logical or natural consequences because the child clearly knows that they aren't behaving as they should be, or are pushing the boundaries with you.
Also, if you feel powerless yourself this means you really are not OK with what is happening, but don't know how to deal with it.
These are perfect times to give a consequence for not listening-but be aware that the first 3 strategies in this post are a very good idea to try first, especially with younger kids (age 2 and 3).
If you are still wanting to know more about how to get kids to listen, feel free to go ahead and access my Parenting Masterclass here, and let's get you really set to Teach your child to Listen!
A recent attendee of this Masterclass said:
Wow! The class was super helpful and I have started implementing
changes with my son in particular, and it is just amazing how he is
responding to them!
Conclusion
If you are wondering how to get kids to listen, please know that the rest of us in parenting are right there too-we know how you feel. But these strategies should give you some idea of how to go about giving your child the chance to really listen properly to you.
Also, if you need to use consequences, these can help immeasurably as children get older-because while they still get distracted, thoughtful, tired, hungry or overwhelmed (like any of us), we can expect them (and show them how to) to listen to us when we speak, at least most of the time.
