Attention Seeking Behaviour in Adults - how to address it — Peaceful Living with Miranda

If you are one of those Lucky people who notice attention seeking behaviour in adults around you - you are not alone.

Many, many people are starving for attention - and this includes people of all ages - and while there are many others who just want to stay away from the attention of other people, there are those who feel the need to seek the approval and attention of others for their own self-worth.

This post will talk about how to address attention seeking behaviour in adults, and how you can react positively when these symptoms show up around you.

(If you prefer to listen or watch your content because you’re a mama like me who wants to get things done at the same time - don’t forget to watch me on Youtube here and I would be honoured if you could like, subscribe, and share this video on Youtube if you agree!)

Attention Seeking Behaviour in Adults - How to Address It

Firstly, welcome to my blog! I'm Miranda, I’m an Australian teacher, author & speaker - and emotional health, stress and parenting coach for mums - and I share all sorts of things about parenting, self-understanding, and various other topics. This week's blog is all about attention-seeking behavior—how to manage it and help someone who exhibits it. We'll talk about behaviors that might drive you a bit crazy.

(If you prefer to listen or watch your content because you’re a mama like me who wants to get things done at the same time - don’t forget to watch me on Youtube here and I would be honoured if you could like, subscribe, and share this video on Youtube if you agree!)

I remember watching a TV show when I was a kid, and there was a man on this drama who was going for the position of mayor in a small town. However, one of his strategies involved wearing the most ridiculous suit jacket or blazer, of a bright, unapologetic red - which matched his personality in the show! I remember my mum saying something about him wanting attention, and that he was trying to impress everyone to get their votes.

This is one of those moments when we realise that my mother’s definition was more true than we can know!

When we see attention seeking behaviour in adults, we can assume, usually, that they:

Want attention (I mean, really?)
Therefore, probably missed attention at some point when they needed it, and
May have a stress or nervous system response and subconscious habits related to fear of judgement, loneliness and being rejected.

The thing is, that many people see attention seeking behaviour as a character flaw, rather than an unmet need.

But if we saw a small child, say at age 9, who was jumping off furniture and yelling for attention, this would be cause not only for concern, but in my lucky experience, for the ‘big guns’ to come out - empathy, encouragement and more attention in the right places.

Why People display attention Seeking Behaviours

One important thing to know about people who are attention-seeking is that they aren’t doing it for no reason. If your child is seeking attention in an overly dramatic way, or if an adult you know is doing the same, it’s because they have an unmet need in that area. Every behavior serves a purpose, and is an attempt to fill a need that is required by every human.

If you want to know more about the oh-so-useful framework that is Maslow’s Heirachy of Needs, find it here on my Youtube channel!

For example, if they’re seeking attention, they may have had experiences where they didn’t receive the attention they needed. It could be a need stemming from their inner child that hasn’t been fulfilled - or has been fulfilled in the wrong way - by using that exact attention-seeking strategy you are watching!

It’s important to remember that this attention-seeking behavior is often a sign of low self-worth.

Now, that sounds obvious when you put it that way, but it might not seem so when you're feeling frustrated by someone's behavior.

But, once we recognize they are calling out for help with a need, we can better understand the person, and treat them with more empathy. Instead of simply rolling our eyes internally, we can start to manage the behavior in a way that creates connection without encouraging their more negative behaviour.

Common Forms of Attention-Seeking Behavior

Attention -seeking behaviors again can be a massive range of behavior.

It could be that really loud, explosive, over -the -top, full - on ‘cocky’ behavior that we might assume is attention -seeking behavior
When people are used to being fragile or more ‘needy’, in order to get sympathy and more attention from other people, or

Attention-seeking behaviour can also present, in both women and men - as those moments where someone seeks attention by drawing negative attention to themselves, or shocking others with their negative self-talk. For instance, ‘No, I'm so bad at this, I'm terrible at this, don't worry about me! I'm just so bad at everything.’

That can also be an attention seeking behaviour and actually quite damaging, of course, as you can imagine if you think about that.

See here about Negative Self Talk and other posts to help in this area.

It’s easy to think that attention-seeking behavior is just loud and obvious outbursts, but it can clearly take whichever form the person chooses that has been a safe, proven road to get them the attention they needed - to fill the ‘attention gap’ however they could, from childhood.

No matter the form, the core issue is the same—the person is trying to get their healthy, totally-normal needs met in unhealthy ways.

How to Cope with the Attention-Seeking Behaviour of Others well

Don’t Reward Bad Behaviour

Make sure you’re not rewarding the behavior that the person is displaying.

This doesn't mean you should withhold attention entirely, of course —people need attention, and this is often the very reason they are still attempting to get attention in different ways—but you don’t have to reward the dramatic behaviors.

For example, if a child or partner throws a tantrum to get what they want, you don’t have to give in to the tantrum. Rewarding the behavior guarantees it will happen again next time. This applies to both adults and children.

You can still affirm them and build a connection without reinforcing the negative behavior. For example, instead of rewarding their tantrum, you could say, “I can’t do that with you right now, but I’d love to spend time together next week. We could go for a walk on the beach and have coffee.” This way, they get your attention, but not on their terms. Also, be aware that this can sometimes cause a bigger tantrum or reaction when you do this the first couple of times - habits are interesting to break - but make sure you stick with the connection part and show up for them with real, authentic attention, and you’ll most likely end up being part of something beautiful.

Be a Role Model

Another helpful strategy is to role-model better behavior. This might feel like something you’re always doing, especially as a parent. But whether it's younger siblings, partners, or even parents, role-modeling positive behavior is very effective. Even if it feels like it's not making an impact, they’re still seeing you act like an adult.

You don’t need to lecture them—especially not other adults, as that would come off as patronizing. Instead, just behave the way you think is right and let them observe.

While this strategy can be super effective, it can also take longer than the others sometimes - because it hinges upon the person seeing that your way is ‘better’, and believing that it might work for them - and making it into a habit, too.

Be Honest

The last tip is to be honest. I know, this one makes people uncomfortable. You don’t have to be blunt or over-the-top rude, but being honest can help. For example, you could say, “It seems like you’re trying to get attention. Is there something I can help you with? Are you struggling with something?”

Now, I know this might sound easier for me to say because I’m a coach, but it’s still important. People appreciate when you care enough to ask. Even if they get frustrated or angry, they’ll know you care.

At the end of the day, everyone struggles with this stuff in one way or another. So, having honest conversations can be very healing.

Summary

To wrap up, here’s what you can do to manage attention-seeking behavior, especially in adults:

Don’t reward the behavior, whether it's a child or an adult.
Role-model positive behavior—do what’s right in front of them without lecturing.
Be honest—call out the behavior, but do it gently and with care.

Attention-seeking behavior is often about seeking someone who cares. Before you try any of these strategies, remember to start with understanding. There could be various reasons why they’re seeking attention—whether it’s a new baby in the house, a demanding job, or something from their past.

It’s also extremely important to remember that the habits of a lifetime can take a very long time to break! It is never easy for an adult to change their behaviours, because while it’s possible, we are working with a lot of years of reaffirming that this attention-seeking behaviour in adults has actually been meeting those needs. Be gentle with yourself or others if you’re trying to make a change!

If you want to change and need a coach, click through to my Emotional health bookings page to find out how I can help you - no long commitments or crazy coaching fees. Just simple, honest, authentic conversations and emotional processing, and strategies.

Need help to teach your child about emotions, or understand more yourself for them?

Your child isn’t trying to manage all those same things, but it’s important that we understand what they are trying to navigate. If you want to find out more, my simple ecourse The Emotionally Equipped Child covers a lot for parents of kids up to age 6.

It’s helpful and simple for parents to navigate.
Has a 30 minute parent info session for each module, and a 10 minute parent/child activity d
Designed specifically to help you with building your child’s emotional regulation skills - especially recognizing those emotions as they rise up in the body. It’s available as a self-paced course here on Udemy for a low price - find out more here!

Attention Seeking Behaviour in Adults - how to address it