Mental Labor in motherhood: 3 Ways to Help your Brain
Mental labor in motherhood, sometimes called emotional load or mental load, is a MAJOR factor as a 21st-century mum.
This phenomenon (which has always been a factor, although the information overload of the last 20 years has increased this exponentially) has been gradually more ‘exposed’ in recent times, with many more partners being aware of it, but most of all, mums themselves becoming more aware of how much we are ‘holding’ mentally.
But if you’re one of those (millions) of mums who are really feeling the pressure, or you have a neurodivergent diagnosis of ADHD or ASD, this might have reached overwhelming proportions - and you just don’t know what to do.
This post will share some tips I share with my clients (and had to learn the hard way myself) to start making an impact on those racing thoughts, the emotional load and stress you are holding, and start to make a way for peace and emotional health, to come back into your space, both physically and mentally.
Let’s get straight into it!
Mental Labour in Motherhood driving you crazy? These 3 simple stress reduction techniques for mental labor will help you be a more emotionally regulated mother. #mentallabour #mentallabor #motherhood
Mental Labor in Motherhood: 3 Ways to Help your Brain
1: Stop expecting your brain to keep it all in your head!
The thing about mental labor is that we often exaggerate it by keeping much of it in our heads, and our brain is not only managing the mental labor of our daily to-do list as mums, it’s also trying to remember everything!
As with most mums, I have a lot to keep in my brain all the time - and this can mean I end up with important dates ‘falling’ out of my head as new information enters - simply because the list of things to not only do, but remember, schedule and act upon, can be absolutely overwhelming for my brain.
And, it’s the same for many, many of my listeners and readers. mental labour is a very real thing, and we need to make sure we appreciate (actually) how hard it is, and begin to give ourselves ways to manage that before we all go stark raving mad.
So - tip 1 is to stop expecting your brain to be able to hold it all, and write it down!
Get a gorgeous to-do list, a notebook or just a random piece of paper the kids are finished drawing on, if nothing else (save the earth one piece of paper at a time, right?), and do a giant brain dump onto it, not in order, not in a certain way, not ‘I’m going to write down all the dates in February’, unless that’s what is all over your mind.
Get everything out on paper, then categorise it when you have a moment. Use this prioritising tip to start taking control of your mental labour (or at least, a lot of it) and it can start to get much clearer as you go.
(I probably do this every few weeks at the least; but often on a Monday morning or Sunday night I’m checking the calendar, writing up our family whiteboard with times, appointments and things to remember for the coming week, and this has helped me so much with remembering things in time. If you’re an ADHD mum, this might be super helpful too, to do this in regular, routine-ified chunks!)
2: Let someone in, or delegate!
One of the biggest ways we sabotage ourselves and our own mental health is to not allow others to help where they can. While some mums do not have help, it’s important to assess whether you are just under the impression that no one wants to help, or if you actually need to seek it out elsewhere.
Many mums can feel like no-one understands, especially their partners, but many women are too scared to let go of some of their responsibilities, too. If you are someone who has offers of help, and you don’t take them when you need to, you are probably holding onto some overwhelmingly high expectations of yourself - which can be incredibly damaging to not only your own mental and emotional health, but your relationships with partners, children and all others in your life.
If you find it hard to let go of control, try doing it gradually. Even if you let your kids put their own clothes away in their cupboards (which they should be doing if they’re over age 6, by the way!), and you have to get yourself through the resulting carnage by repeating ‘I am OK with my kids learning to do this. I am OK with my kids learning to do this.’ - that’s OK. You are teaching them things as well as learning to delegate. That can be hard, but so so worth it!
3: Regularly calm your CNS.
If you’ve been around my space for awhile, you will know that create calm spaces for children and parents is a major part of what I share about - whether in relationships, parenting or our own emotional and mental space - including emotional healing so you can start experiencing that peace more and more.
Use a calming tool such as a fidget, spinner ring, or squishy toy to focus on your senses rather than your mind.
Take deep belly breaths (this stimulates the vagus nerve, which leads to returning the body to a calm, parasympathetic nervous system-state).
Let out some sounds, hum or say ‘la’, specifically at a lower note, and see how long you can ‘hold’ it for. This vibration is perfect for releasing physical and emotional tension.
Each of these are simple, and can be very effective, but if you don’t prioritise them, you will only make a very small impact on your mental labor load. The absolute key is consistency of using these strategies, having a regular check-in with yourself and those around you about making sure these are simple, small habits, and letting go in some ways, too.
Want to grab one of my Spinner rings for anxiety or fidgeting? Email me at thecherishcommunity@gmail.com to pop in an order, they’re $15 AUD plus post!
Mental Labour is normal (these days), but you can take back control of your mind and schedule.
Many of my clients learn how to prioritise much more effectively, and also learn how to move through their emotional and mental wellbeing so they can actually feel like they can think, because their mind is more calm, more free from the emotional trauma/clutter and also, their central nervous system is starting to untangle as we work through some of those locked emotions and beliefs in body and mind.
If this is something you want (a major key to getting proactive about not only the mental labour, but reconnecting with yourself, your kids, (and your faith if this is your jam too) and starting to de-frag from all that mental and emotional clutter? Book a session (online) with me on the Emotional Health Bookings page, or if you are in my area in Geelong, Australia, you can call and book with me at the Adaptive Integrated Health Centre on 52505902. I love helping all my clients in these areas!
Do you experience mental labor in motherhood? What does this look like for you - and what do you find the most difficult?
Mental Labour in Motherhood driving you crazy? These 3 simple stress reduction techniques for mental labor will help you be a more emotionally regulated mother. #mentallabour #mentallabor #motherhood
