Stop your Toddler saying No with these 3 simple steps

Have you ever wondered how to stop your toddler saying no?

This normal but frustrating word has driven many a parent to the point of exasperation!

However, although a toddler says 'NO' often, they don't always know what they are doing, but sometimes they do.

So what should mums do about it?

This is a very popular topic because parents don't want to hear their toddler saying 'No!'-but also don't initially know exactly how they want to go about stopping it. Find out how in this post!

It can bring out our own emotional side as a parent when we constantly hear our toddlers say 'No!' to everything we ask.

Put simply, the adult population have often learnt how to say a negative or 'no' response with politeness (the first time, anyway) and this means that we are not used to hearing the word 'No' said so blatantly.

This post is for all the parents (which, let's face it, is most of us) who have found it very hard to stop their toddler saying no, with 3 simple steps outlined below.

First of all though, we enter the debate.

DO we want our kids to learn to say 'No' properly when they really should?

What does this mean?

Some people don't stop their children from saying No, as this shows that they know their own mind and are learning from a young age to be decisive and not be taken advantage of by others.

This is very admirable (and of course we want them to be able to say 'No' and mean it), and we want our children to understand that they CAN say no when they want to.

However, if we let them say 'No!' to us as parents constantly, especially as a toddler when they are still learning, we may be setting ourselves up for a tricky parenting journey AND opening the door to backchat earlier than we need to.

So when should you let them say No?

The best example of this is when something is their own personal item, and someone wants to use it. Let's say your child has a drink bottle and you want to have a drink from it, as you are playing together and yours is in the kitchen.

You, demonstrating some great parenting skills, ask your child if you can have a drink from his bottle.

He says 'No!'

You think 'Well that's ridiculous. I'll just have one anyway! I don't want to walk all the way to the kitchen-I'll teach him about sharing.'

It is OK to do this, but if you step back we can see that this is a moment when you can teach your child that their No has some weight-and that others should abide by it.

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It is very important to teach your child that they should be expecting others to listen to their NO when it comes to personal items and their own body.

It can be easy to step over this as parents, but there is more riding on these little moments than you might think.

Lots of little moments turn into big memories.

So when should you stop your toddler saying 'No'?

Here's how to stop your toddler saying No in 3 simple steps.

1: Look behind what they are saying.

Does your child actually mean NO, or are they simply saying it?

Many small children say no often, simply because they have found it brings a reaction from us.

Toddlers are great at this-they often just say NO to anything asked of them (unless it's a biscuit, of course) because this is a new word and a word which can cause a response, often an emotional response, in the corresponding adult!

Importantly- if your child seems to be saying 'NO' then just watching you from the edge of his vision, waiting for a reaction....

...don't give him a reaction.

If the question you asked was a simple question that doesn't really require an answer, you can say something like:

'Oh, OK! I'll play/be over here. See you when you're done.'

But be prepared to act out Steps 2 and 3!

2: Help your child with the appropriate answer

To stop your toddler saying NO, these last two steps are key.

When you have asked your child to do something, they will likely respond with 'NO!' sometimes.

This step requires you to say the words you want them to say.

Remember, we are teaching our child how to act in our family and the world. Sometimes we need to show them how to speak for good social interaction, too.

When I ask my toddler to come to me and he says NO, I simply say 'Yes, Mama' in a calm voice and a light tone.

He usually copies me, although this definitely doesn't always happen. It takes practice and consistency and Step 3 too!

This technique works in lots of ways and with lots of ages, because it involves a parent modelling the behaviour and tone they expect.

Expectations and demonstration are excellent ways to teach something, especially life skills and small children need all this as we teach them anything.

3: Make them follow your instructions.

Now for the final step.

If you have asked your child to do something, or to come to you, it is important that they learn to do so.

Ensure your child does what you have asked them to do.

This can be called 'following through'.

With a small child, this often requires us to physically go and pick up the child, which is why it's so much better to teach this when they're small!

Go and get the child, or move them to what you have asked them to pick up.

Gently hold onto their hands and use their hands to pick up the toys they refused to, or the thing they threw on the floor.

This teaches your child that:

• You mean what you say
• You are NOT going to stand by and let them run the household at 2 or 3
• They need to fit in, too, but
• That you care about them enough to carefully teach them this.

This requires diligence, patience and a calm, adult assessment of the situation.

Teaching our kids expectations also requires intentional parent or adult action.

It also requires consistency-this is something we may have to do a few times a day while we teach our toddlers to stop saying NO.

It's essential for children to learn to say NO when they need to.

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However saying NO to Mama or Daddy when they are making a perfectly normal, reasonable request, or refusing to come when asked, is not acceptable.

Toddlers are learning how to interact within the world.

If we let them say NO to us and always assume they are working with the adult or more developmentally appropriate understanding of what NO means, we are taking away their opportunity to learn everything they need to know.

Have you tried this with your child or children? Did it work?

It has worked in every situation I have ever been in, regardless of what setting, if used consistently.

Don't forget that this sort of action goes along with all the positive and proactive parenting techniques I promote here at Smart Mama Smart Kids Parenting, too!

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