The 5 Love Languages and your kids
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is an international bestselling book which has changed the lives of many, many couples.
There is also a corresponding book for how the 5 Love Languages can be used when parenting your child.
This is just as revolutionary when it comes to understanding how your child thinks and how you as a parent can help them feel that love you have for them.
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So how do the 5 Love Languages work?
It outlines the idea that each person gives and receives love in one or more of 5 particular categories.
It helps the reader to learn how to change their own behaviour somewhat in order to help really 'connect' with their child or partner-or indeed, any other person they come into long-term contact with.
Are the 5 Love Languages really helpful?
I find that understanding and observing how my children fit into these 5 'languages' helps me decide how to use my time with my children to connect with them effectively and efficiently!
This means I can make a bigger difference to my children's level of connection, by interacting with them in the best way for them to understand me.
It is literally like speaking in the right 'tongue' or 'language' to help them really feel that interaction more, on a deeper level.
This can have huge benefits in any or all of these areas, as a side benefit:
- Behaviour: Have you ever heard the quote or saying that 'Under all behaviour is an unmet need'? This is literally the truth. Meeting some of your child's needs through helping them feel love and connection by speaking their 'language' is never-endingly helpful.
- Self-Esteem: Building that connection with your child helps them build that higher self-esteem! It shows them we want to be with them, we are interested in them, and we care for them. This in turn teaches our children that they are worth something, someone to be valued as a person.
- Emotional intelligence: If you're in my Confident Authentic Mamas Facebook group (if not, join now!), or been following me for awhile, you will know that I work with Mums on helping their children understand and interpret their emotions-and helping Mums manage them with practical strategies. By using the 5 Love Languages to connect with your child, you are able to help your child trust you to help them with their own big feelings, even when they feel out of control and 'yucky' in those moments.
Grab your free initial call with me here, and let's work out how you can connect better with your child at a younger age!
Being a safe harbour means comfort, and knowing a great way to communicate with your child when they really need you, is essential to building healthy relationships.
These categories or ‘languages’ are:
Quality Time
Acts of Service (doing things with and for others)
Gift-Giving
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
The basic overview of how these Love Languages work is that each person has a ‘love tank’.
What on earth is a 'love tank?
This means a space which, when ‘filled’ makes each of us feel loved and fills the connection need in us.
However, my daughter might usually speak in the ‘Words of Affirmation’ language (telling me how she loves me, encouragement, building love through words).
I give and receive my most understood ‘love’ in the language of Quality Time.
So her telling me she loves me all the time is NICE, but may not satisfy my need for love as well as going for a walk (Quality time) with me.
So in order to connect well with my daughter, it might be a better way to 'love' or connect with her by leaving her a note which says how proud of her I am, and why.
It might just mean intentionally building good verbal encouragement into my daily interaction with her.
Can you see how these different languages have revolutionised many relationships?
Learn to speak your child’s love language and it can help you truly connect with them more effectively and faster than if you don’t speak it.
Do you know anything about the 5 Love Languages?
Let me know in the comments if this approach could help or has helped, you in your family life!