When you are Over Reactions: save-the-day Mum rage tips that will cool your jets ASAP! — Peaceful Living with Miranda

Just so over reactions that make you feel judged, embarrassed, and worst of all, feel like you are damaging your relationship with your child?

You are not alone - in fact there are many, many mums experiencing exactly this on a regular basis. Emotional reactions are normal; the behaviour that comes with that, can be changed. In this post, we’re going to be covering 3 save-the-day mum emotional health tips that will help you be more regulated - and therefore pass the benefits onto your children and improve your own mental health, too!

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Your head is in your hands - you have yelled at your child, and you aren’t feeling good about yourself for it. But man, they made you so angry!

Parenting - especially gentle parenting - is one of the hardest gigs out there. We have these tiny versions of ourselves, then we are surprised when they start having tantrums and refusing what we ask - suddenly we are fighting World War 3 and trying to work out how to a) make our child happy; b) make ourselves happy, and c) teach them healthy, upright living standards as well - consistently?

Yep. It’s hard.

But what do we do when we are so over reactions that make us feel like we are failing as a parent? Like we can’t work out what to do - and hindsight seems a wonderful thing?

Here are 3 simple methods to help you calm your anger - but also help you prepare for next time this happens. Because to imagine we will never face a tantrum ever again, is just wishful thinking. I’m a stress coach, teacher, emotions coach - and my kids occasionally do this. (Not that often, thank goodness - but they are still kids, and we’re creating space that means they can feel those emotions but not be ruled by them, behaviour-wise. And, they’re still learning.)

1: Have something kinaesthetic planned.

What on earth does that mean?

According to Bay Atlantic University;

‘Kinesthetic learners use body movement and interact with their environments when learning. To better understand something, they need to touch or feel it; hence practical information is usually preferred over theoretical concepts.’

In other words, have something ready to do with your body when you start to feel those angry moments.

Basically, when we start to experience high anger levels, we get a rush of adrenaline - and often this is why anger can be so explosive.

We need to do something physical to expel that energy - not just push it down - although, crucially, we may need to do that for a short time to help others stay safe or unaffected by our anger. For instance, we can’t be tuning into our anger for the driver who nearly hit our car, when we are still needing to safely drive our family through that crazy traffic. We may need to either stop and take a moment, or store it for awhile then give ourselves a chance to feel it fully when we can do so.

However, just pushing our anger down because you ‘feel like you shouldn’t feel it’ is not how the body or mind is intended to work. We need to bring that process to a close, and that means feel the feeling until it ‘peters out’ essentially, and how that feels in your body to let that temporary feeling move through.

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Here are a few ideas on how to do this when you are dealing with a frustrating child and you are over reactions that make you feel out of control:

Run on the spot
Grab hold of your leg/arm/a stress ball and give it a ‘pump’ with your fingers 10 times
Flex your fingers
Tell your child to give you a minute, and then walk briskly up and down the hallway, or even skip!
Go for a run with your child - they don’t have to know why!

If you’re afraid of feeling silly, remove that thought from your mind! If your child wants to know what you are doing, you can just tell them!

Our kids need to see emotional healing and regulation strategies being put into practice, because it teaches them how they can do exactly the same thing.

This is part of what I teach parents to do with their children, in the Emotionally Equipped Child ecourse.

2: Remind yourself you are part of a bigger picture.

If you are over reactions that make you feel judged, silly, embarrassed - here is another key to start cooling your jets immedately. (Notice I said start - it takes a little to come back physically and mentally from anger, sadness, embarrassment, etc. Emotions are temporary, but they are still there - you can’t just switch them off like nothing happened - especially the big ones like anger, that have a major body response.)

Look out the window at the trees, plants, or sky.

Remind yourself that you while these feelings feel overwhelming; you aren’t being ruled by them.

You are, in fact, able to feel them and still survive - and this little 2-second moment and reminder is a huge part of making this a reality.

It can help remove the tunnel vision we can feel when in our mum rage, and also reminds ourselves of the big, natural world - which is often where many of us run to feel peace, right?

Helpful - but having a little script there can be super useful, too. Something like:

‘I am part of something bigger than me.’

Note: If you have a spiritual faith like myself, you might choose to shoot a quick prayer up to God for help, too, at this moment!

Before we keep reading, don’t forget to follow me on TikTok for more informative videos, and grab your free 2-minute Emotional Process freebie here!

3: Breathe and receive.

Lastly on the list of what to do when you are over reactions…and over overreacting to your child; is to take that moment to appreciate your breath.

Put your hand on your abdomen and feel your breath coming in, so you fill up your tummy. This stimulates the vagus nerve or vagal nerves, which in turn bring this sensory information to your brain; which then stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, and influences physiological systems to basically start to calm you down - to begin some of that ‘rest and digest’ state.

This means that you can use physiological techniques such as deep breathing to influence your own body to start calming itself down. (So, telling someone to breath deeply is actually worth it. It really means something!)

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Emotional health is extremely important when you are a parent - and patterns are a part of this.

If you are gentle parenting your children and you were not raised learning how to manage and regulate your own emotions; the difference between your own internal habits and what you want to teach your child now, may be huge.

The problem is, we often don’t realise what a big jump this is, until we are hit with our own overreactions and feelings of guilt that come along with this. Also, when we explode at our children we can create similar habits to those we grew up with ourselves - and then we are simply repeating the cycle!

These 3 seemingly simple strategies will help you make a difference to your emotional self when you are over reactions that are at odds with what you want to display to your children.

Just a quick reminder: It’s not always as simple as saying ‘change your behaviour’, or ‘calm down’.

Wouldn’t that be nice - but the habits, patterns and subconscious cycles we go through are often running below the surface of our awareness, meaning we need either very deep self discovery, or to talk to someone to discover why we react certain ways and do things certain ways.

This is what I do as a coach, as well as share some behaviour and child-emotion tips with my clients when they need them!

If you want to find out about my online consultancy, here’s what I do:

Help Mums find freedom from emotional stress and overwhelm
Ask questions, (lots of them) and every.single.client.so.far has had ‘Aha’ moments through the sounding-board effect of coaching with me,
Go through emotional embodiment practices to help you actually feel and process the emotions that are ‘stuck’ or that you keep trying to escape from (when you are ready, always)
Offer strategies around parenting (I have been coaching parents for over 5 years, and bring my teaching professional expertise to this)

I do this all via my Zoom consults, soon to be in-person consults offered too in the Geelong, Australia, area - but online to most places!

So don’t be stuck, because whether or not it’s myself, there are people out there who can help you with your emotion, overwhelm and giant stress that can occur in body and mind when you have a baby and/or kids.

Find out more about bookings and prices here

Other Spaces To Click On And Go Now:

‘The Roots of Shame and why it’s holding you Back’ on The Mum Wellbeing Podcast

3 Limiting Beliefs every Mum needs to Know About

Go shopping right now here on Amazon to grab anything you need!

5 Board Games that every Family Needs

When you are Over Reactions: save-the-day Mum rage tips that will cool your jets ASAP