Why your baby could be so upset
I just could NOT understand why my baby was so upset! She was completely fine, didn’t have any teeth coming through at the moment, and had been sleeping through the night consistently.
I tried pain relief, rocking her to sleep, and anything I could think of. I was exhausted and mentally fatigued just from 3 days of clingy, whingy baby and just trying to troubleshoot what was wrong!
Do you ever wonder why YOUR baby could be so upset?
I find the overwhelming clinginess so claustrophobic, not tomention the constant crying and general crankiness of my usually sweet littleone!
When I was going through this with my first little one, Ifelt
- Overwhelmed
- ‘Touched out’
- Headachy from the constant noise (never my favourite)
- Exhausted
Most of all, though?
I felt like a failure.
It was like we had adjusted to having a baby in our house (always a big adjustment), had our routines, feeding and sleeping sorted-then it all suddenly, in the space of a few days, blew up in our face!
How could all my current experience and understandings of routine, connection and calm households, be mistaken?
What was I doing wrong?
I had to learn a few things (read ‘a lot’) about myself, but specifically baby development, in that first year with our new daughter. It was not enough to just be ‘the baby whisperer’ (I always had an affinity with kids and babies), because it didn’t seem to work on my own child!
I had to learn how infant's brains develop.
Now I don’t mean all about the actual chemicals and soon-although that is very interesting. I had to learn about the keyunderstanding behind the Wonder Weeks book (now also a series of apps too).
According to kidspot.com.au, ‘A Wonder Week is one way to describe an intense period of infant development.’
The Wonder Weeks website says this:
‘All babies go through the same changes in the mental development atthe same time. This is called a mental leap. With each leap, your baby is giventhe possibility to learn new things.’
According to the research and also my own experience, these ‘intense periods of development’ can take from 3 days up to a week or more. (Yikes!)
It’s not really that surprising, is it.
Consider how much development happens in SUCH a small time in a baby’s life. Look at what they can do for themselves when they’re born, compared to 18 months. Walking, talking, eating, focusing their eyes, knowing who different people are, what a ‘truck’ is… The learning is endless with babies. And the way I think about it is this:
When a baby’s brain makes new connections (a mental leap), they find itoverwhelming. This results in more tiredness, cranky behaviour and they don’tknow why.
So where does thatleave us, mamas?
For me, this was revolutionary. I had discovered that why my baby could be so upset, was:
- My baby was overwhelmed by whatever her body wasdoing
- She had no control over it, and either did I
- It HAD AN END (super important)
- I wasn’t doing anything wrong, and
- It was OK to drop the rigid routine for a fewdays as we needed to, and we could pick it up again as she began responding toit again.
Does this mean I didn’t get annoyed and SO over being clungto, whinged at and needed every second of the day?
No. That was still a struggle.
However, the fact that this was not my baby being wilfully annoying (I mean, did I actually think that? What?) but that SHE WAS OVERWHELMED, made it much easier to deal with on a mental and emotional level, for me.
It took a load off, too, to know that it IS OK to just give the routine a miss for a bit and just do whatever worked, but I just made sure I got back into our good routine once she seemed a bit back to normal.
If you want help with setting routines or re-establishing one, click here. I can help.
So what do we do now you know why your baby could be so upset?
1: Take a breath.
As long as you know they are OK (not sick, feverish or anything!) then just take a minute to breathe in the midst of it all.
2: It’s going to be OK.
If this is a mental leap, it is normal. All the other parents around you will be going through this with their baby, or have done so. It’s a normal part of development.
3: Just take the pressure off yourself.
Cancel whatever you have on and just GET comfortable with your baby at home-however, take them out if you want to get a break, but they will do better at home.
4: If you can’t change something happening, you must just find what works for YOU, to manage the situation.
Ask Grandma to come and babysit for an hour, go buy a coffee or have a bubble bath then go to bed early (before they wake up again!).
Admit to yourself that this is actually hard, and you need to take care of your baby AND yourself with some grace and love. It’s OK.
If you’re in the midst of a wonder week or mental leap withyour baby, know you’re not alone!
You are actually doing great. You’re a great mama, who clearly cares about her child and is doing the best she can. Keep it up and appreciate yourself!
Do you want a support person as you move along this STEEP learning curve in your first year of motherhood?
Miranda is the Geelong Parenting Coach for early years parents and can be a consistent support by bringing strategies and building confidence with you as you begin to feel more comfortable in this new (and sometimes scary!) role. Book a free 20 min discovery call or email coaching HERE!