Angry Children and 3 Simple Ways to Help
We all have those high-emotion parenting moments with angry children.
This is completely normal, but it can be extremely hard to know what to do in those moments!
All children get angry from time to time, and knowing how to manage them without breaking that mutual respect and trust, can be difficult.
This post will share 3 simple ways to offer immediate help to your child when they are angry, and the number 1 thing you MUST ensure, regardless.
*disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links, which means if you make a purchase through them I may receive a small commission, at no extra cost to you. Thanks for supporting my business!*
What brings on those angry children moments?
It's simply because children are, in fact, normal humans. Everyone gets angry at some point-and it's not always for a 'good reason', even as an adult.
So when our child gets frustrated because their toy doesn't stack properly, or their shadow doesn't stop following them, or they need to stop their play to have a bath, it's just a human emotion coming out.
Simply put, kids are just little versions of us-without the level of growth and development that we have been exposed to.
Think about how old you are.
How many times have you talked to someone about being frustrated, or seen someone else manage it well?
All these instances, along with brain development (because kids aren't actually developed enough to always make good decisions-and toddlers definitely have very minimal impulse control) mean that you have built an understanding of your feelings, and an awareness on how to deal with them appropriately.
So, angry children are simply acting the way that seems natural to them in that moment.
While there will always be an element of this (because of their development), teaching our children how to act (and how we can react) is obviously what this blog, and my consulting sessions, are all about.
So, here are my 3 tips to help your angry children (or child):
1: ASK.
Ask if your child needs a hug. They may not answer in words, but you will know, as their parent, what they indicate.
Why is asking important?
- It shows the child you care about their feelings
- It means you are giving them an option
- You can gauge their level of rage or anger, as a result of their reply!
Disclaimer-Sometimes we just rush in and give them a hug, and that's OK! But as they get older, asking is a very important tool, because it means in the middle of the anger, you are showing them you respect their body and their choices.
Sometimes this is enough to start the calm down process.
(Sometimes, though, a hug can do the same. It often depends on the child and each individual situation.)
2: Be proactive, not reactive, with your angry children.
It's SO easy to be reactive and shout back at your child, or get angry yourself.
Everyone does this occasionally, and we have to engage our own emotional regulation skills and intentionally cool down, before we can be of much help to our child. (I know this from personal experience, like all of you, and every human alive!)
But be proactive by anticipating your child if you can. If they're going to sit down, get them a snuggly friend.
If they will want a hug in a minute, let them know you're right here when they're ready.
Talking in a soft, even and calm voice often helps as well-it's often a great way to calm your child from a little further away.
3: DO not tell them off for something, or reason with them, in that moment.
I cannot stress this enough.
If your angry child is truly emotionally overwhelmed, telling them off doesn't do anything.
Or, actually it does. It makes them feel:
- More overwhelmed
- Unsupported
- Ashamed
- Angrier
It often turns what you intended as a 'teachable moment' into a power struggle and shouting match.
If you have angry children, deal with them gently at the time, and address any other issues later, when they are calm.
*This doesn't mean let them get away with whatever they want, but why try to teach them when they can't listen or acknowledge properly?*
Now, the ONE thing you must remember when dealing with angry children is this:
The first thing you must do is make sure everyone is safe.
Before you enact all those things, make sure everyone is safe, and that the child is as safe as possible too, obviously.
Even if they are throwing chairs, blocks or anything that comes to hand- make sure the other children are out of the room, and that you move away to a safe distance.
If you have to, put the TV on for the other children or call in help from another adult close by!
Then, begin with the calming voice.
'I'm here when you're ready, sweetheart.'
Safety is paramount when it comes to anger, because anger is the most explosive emotion, and makes even adults do silly things sometimes.
Having angry children, or an angry child, isn't your fault, unless you are provoking them or controlling them too much. There are simply ways and means to help them realise they don't need to fight against you.
If you are experiencing lots of power struggles from your child, I know how to reduce them-but beware-you might have to change your own mindset a little!
If you want to book in with me to deal with this issue, and have lots more peace, click here>>
You may like this free Calm Space class OR these other popular blog posts!
