Behaviour Management: 3 reasons why your Child's behaviour can change
Your child's behaviour can change for many different reasons-many of which are outlined in this article. However the term 'behaviour management' can make parents feel guilty or even start denying to themselves that their child's behaviour is presenting a problem.
If your child has thrown a behaviour management challenge at you, whether sudden or not, take comfort in the fact that you are not alone.
Many parents are likely to have faced a behaviour similar to what your child is displaying, possibly even exactly the same.
When your child's actions or mannerisms suddenly change, or even worse, the apparent motivation behind their behaviour changes, you can feel like you're failing as a parent.
If your child suddenly starts hitting other people, or they feel the need to have a big tantrum when you won't sing the exact same song for bedtime every night suddenly, we can feel upset and even stressed because this is something we can't figure out-or haven't yet.
However, if your child's behaviour changes, it is not necessarily a reflection on you or your parenting.
It's more likely that this is an indicator of something deeper going on for them at this time, and that some intentional behaviour management strategies -often connection-based - can be helpful at this point.
For any parent, of any child.
Taking action to help our children behave the way they should be, being true to themselves and the way that is good for them and the family, is simply part of being a good parent.
Good parents train their kids for life. Not change life for their kids.
Here are a few common reasons for a child's behaviour to change:
1: HALTS
HALTS is a great little synonym to help us as parents remember that our kids can struggle with any of these things, which can influence their behaviour.
H - Hungry
A - Angry
L - Lonely
T - Tired
S - Stressed
If our kids are any of these things, they are not functioning at their optimal capacity.
(Let's face it, are we, in these situations?)
The first thing we should be doing when our small child's behaviour is a little out of sorts, is assessing whether one or more of the HALTS acronym is at play for them-and address the root cause.
This is a form of behaviour management!
2: Change in Routine
This can be a big curveball for mums (or teachers) who may find themselves needing a behaviour management strategy for a certain child or two.
Even though a change in routine often creates tiredness, routine is the structure in which children base their lives. When it is changed for some reason, the child often struggles to make the adjustment, for all these reasons:
- People struggle with change in general
- Routine gives safety and confidence and structure
- Routine tells us 'what happens next' which means we don't feel worried or unsure.
Those children whose parents have separated, have recently moved houses, changed classes at school or had a friend move away, and especially if there has been a death or significant illness in the family, are very likely to have some kind of reaction to these things, either emotionally or behaviourally.
3: An expectation change
This one is really interesting and can be quite hard to see initially.
Many a mother has asked 'Why do they act like that for me, when Daddy can simply say a word and they move faster?'
(Many a Daddy has asked the exact same question, too!!)
What I mean by expectation change is the crossover when a child comes from one person in authority to another.
For instance, a child may have one set of expectations in a classroom with a teacher.
When a relief teacher comes for the day, their behaviour can change for the better or worse, simply because the child is looking for where the boundary is.
A child may react the same way to Mum every time when they are given rice for tea, but when he goes to Nanna's for dinner, he will eat it without any fuss!
This can be so frustrating for mums, especially when it comes to getting babies to sleep!
While this is frustrating, the options can feel a little intimidating- either change everything we do (so we're just like Nanna- hmmm) or 'just accept it' for what it is, meaning do nothing and just expect your child to continue as per before, in that area.
(You don't have to do either of those, I can help with that as a parenting coach for early years mums)
However, this is simply a blog about behaviour change and why it can happen-and expectation change is right up there with a good reason why.
Behaviour Management and why it's so important to understand before implementing
Behaviour Management is a form of understanding your child's behaviour, intentions and needs-and literally learning how to manage them in the optimum way for their learning and best growth and development-and connection with their parents.
If we want to understand our kids' behaviour, we must first look for why they are struggling in the first place-and go from there.
If you're an early years mum, I'd love to help you identify what you might be missing with your small child's behaviour, and see how I can help by booking a free Initial Call with me (it only takes 20 minutes). Obligation free, but a good idea -it may help you restore balance and a positive relationship with your child!
