Mindful Parenting: What you need to do to get started now

Are you committed to mindful parenting? Do you want to create that healthy parent-child relationship that reduces stress on both you and your child?

Many already exhausted mums use mindful parenting because they are totally over their own mum rage and overreactions to their child's misbehaviour, and realise they want to build a more secure attachment style between themselves and their child.

Some of us want to make sure our child has the childhood-and relationship with his or her parents-that you feel you may have missed out on, or maybe you're trying to intentionally build the family you want by being very organised and consistent by using mindful parenting you lay those good foundations in the early years.

Whichever scenario fits you (and it could be more than one of those), using mindful parenting is something you should be congratulated on.

But there's something many parents miss in the midst of getting organised to be an mindful parent, that can completely derail much of your progress.

This article will cover this and talk about how you can start to overcome even this hidden hurdle.

Mindful Parenting is a byword for many parents these days.

Intentional or mindful parenting means living each moment being aware of what and why we are doing things for our kids and near them- mentally, emotionally and physically.

This might mean how you are thinking while you are at that dance recital. Or, how you decide to spend certain times with each child, to build relationship with them one-on-one. In fact, most of what we are doing as parents can be done mindfully - but it’s all about building self awareness overall. And that is more about being a person - not just a parent.

Those who live mindfully demonstrate some of these characteristics:

Planning-to make best use of the moments that are coming
Being able to be present in the moment - this is practically the definition of learning to be more mindful!
An understanding that what we do today, affects the future tomorrow - including in our emotional moments and hard times.

The difference between living mindfully, and mindful parenting, is that when we are a mindful parent our kids need to see it in action.

Watch the Mindful Meditation for Mums here!

What does that mean?

It means that not only do we need to build self awareness as a parent, but demonstrate that self awareness to our children as we go about our daily lives. It means when we feel that mum guilt, or that exhausted mum feeling, we can start to be aware of it, have some strategies to deal with it - and sometimes even vocalise it on a small, child - friendly way, to our kids.

If we translate this across, mindful parenting can mean we:

Plan ahead to make the best use of those moments with our children-both experiences, play and connection
Can stop for a second amidst our own thought processes, and make a better decision (it’s OK, you know) than we originally said. This includes when emotions are running high, or our mum guilt is getting in the way.
Make sure we discipline and correct in a way that is beneficial to our child and ourselves going forward - this means we are aware of what is best for our child's social, emotional and physical development, and find out more if we need to
Actually choose how we want to be present in each moment-ie if we are present with our child, or having a few minutes break while they watch TV or play; and
Understand that EVERY interaction we have with our child makes a difference, build the lens through which they see us and the world, and therefore are careful to behave ourselves in a way that contributes, rather than detracts from, this lens.

Don’t miss the real gold here.

The most important thing to remember about being a mindful parent, is that to start with, we need to choose where to focus that mindfulness. For my household, I focus on being mindful around emotions, thought life, and socially - simply because of the huge benefits the world offers people who have self awareness in that area.

I want that for my children.

While we want mindfulness overall, in every area, it can be a little hard to build straight up - especially if you are only just starting on your self awareness journey.

So, begin being a mindful parent with regards to your emotions. This is the most important; simply because our emotions can derail everything else - thoughts, body, stress levels rise, and we can impact our child’s secure attachment if this is a regular occurrence.

Do you feel like all the mindful parenting in the world won’t work for you with your child with ADHD? This book by Mark Bertin, MD., might help you: Mindful Parenting for ADHD: A Guide to Cultivating Calm, Reducing Stress, and Helping Children Thrive >>>

Mindful Parenting is a great goal and practice for parents, and being mindful in general is a very good way to live.

However, we can also miss the 'doing' because of we're too caught up in the 'intention'.

The goal of mindful parenting, or intentional parenting, is that we are helping our children grow in a healthy and happy environment, without our own issues getting in the way of their secure attachment to us.

The key word there is grow. They need us to actually be doing things with them and for them, that teach them these things.

Our kids can't see inside our minds. They don't know anything about 'mindful parenting'. They only know our actions. So, if you are practicing mindfulness inside your mind, this is a great start - but it needs to become obvious on the outside and in your relationship with your child, or they won’t know that you have made a change at all!

How are your actions showing mindful parenting to your children?

Don't just tell your child you love them. Show them so they notice.
Speak out how you are feeling when it’s difficult - this gives them an monologue they can learn from and internalise themselves to help them deal with difficult emotions in the future
Give them your attention when they really ask for it-not just on your terms. Show them that the dishes are important - but less important than the block dinosaur they just built, at least for a minute.
Help them to see that you are trying hard and that your intentions are becoming a reality. Write down something like 'I want to get better at answering questions with a smile on my face.' Then, put it somewhere they can see-and really make an effort to put that into place with your children's knowledge.

If you’re tired mum who is even more tired of feeling those big emotions yourself and don’t know what to do with them (because you were never taught how), grab a strategy 2-session package here and leave with your own individualised plan of action for mindful parenting in your home and some feedback/help and guidance after you start to implement it.

Mindful parenting can be a challenge - but it is well worth it.

Spending the time building self awareness, making better parenting choices and understanding some of your own childhood wounds, habits and mental blocks - and why you consequently might feel so much mum guilt for your emotional reactions - is the best thing you can do for your child, your relationships, and yourself.

If you aren't sure if you're a mindful parent, or even if you are able to be - you are completely capable of this. You just need the right tools - like the rest of us. Sometimes that means learning new things - or unlearning old things that we have held onto for years, ourselves. Our children teach us a lot, and to be the parents they need we often have to learn a lot, too. Don’t be afraid to step out and say ‘Yes. I do want to take that step of learning/unlearning, for my child.

They need us to.