How to Calm down your Emotional Child
We all want to know, especially in a tantrum moment, howto calm down your emotional child.
As a parent, it can be very difficult to stay calm when your child is emotional-especially when they are refusing to calm down!
This post outlines some tried-and-true methods for how to calm down your emotional child.
Many parents can feel any or all of these emotions themselves, in this situation:
frustration
overwhelm
sadness
confusion
guilt
embarrassment
So how do you calm down your emotional child?
Learn how to calm your emotional child with these simple strategies! Emotional regulation for kids is very important, and so are emotional processing and emotional healing strategies for mums.
**Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. I may receive a commission if you click on a link-at no cost to you.**
1: Understand that emotions aren’t BAD, but are normal.
Emotions are felt by everyone. They are the natural advertisement for what is going on underneath, and therefore can be a very important social signal.
Imagine if nobody knew when you were feeling angry, or sad.
Think about how this would make you feel-and no-one would give you any grace to grieve or process that emotion unless you told them!
Understanding that emotions are normal gives people (more of) an ability to relax into an emotion and process it, while feeling like they aren’t losing ‘themselves’ as much while they deal with overwhelming feelings.
A strategy to try here could be teaching your child about emotions and what they can do in their body-tense feelings, boiling tummy, burning eyes (tears), etc.
(don’t do this in the heat of the moment, but later on ask them how they felt, etc.)
2: Emotions are to be understood, not necessarily silenced
Note: Quieter emotions are often a byproduct of emotional management, because it helps the child feel calmer, and therefore often less LOUD.
If we try to understand the emotion, we move closer to the root cause- and therefore closer to understanding how to prevent or manage the reason someone is angry, excited or sad.
Strategies to calm down your emotional child can be simple things like:
Giving your child a hug while they cry
Making sure they have a safe space to be angry where they can see you, but are unlikely to hurt themselves or others
Excited kids can be asked to move outside and jump around in a proactive way, rather than send parents crazy by wrecking the inside of the house!
Watch this short video on Youtube here!
Remember, the idea is to calm your child down, not stop them being a child-who by nature are often easily excited, rambunctious and playful.
These are some of the aspects of children that make them a child. We cannot and should not expect them to be an adult, or to react exactly like one!
3: Make sure the child is safe but knows you’re there for him.
Children need to feel safe in order to properly calm down.
Shall I say that again?
Children need to feel SAFE in order to effectively CALM DOWN.
They do not need to be shut in a bedroom to calm down (especially at a young age!), nor banished to another room.
Give them a calm activity or a comfy space to learn to calm their emotions rather than ramping them up again with a fresh affront or challenge to their sense of self or calm.
Give your child a hug and talk calmly to them, if they are overwhelmed. This can be hard as an annoyed or similarly overwhelmed parent, but try as hard as you can!
Our own tone has a MASSIVE impact on how our children react and begin moving from that ‘fight or flight response’ into a calmer brain space where they know how to ‘think’ again. Dr. Daniel Seigel has a lot of information available on this topic!
Check out my video on Kapow the Hedgehog and Thinker the Owl for understanding how the brain works with emotions!
4: Help your child settle down with tactile props
A favourite cuddly toy, cuddles, a drink of water, or by reading them a favourite book, can help your child with tactile 'calm down' feelings.
This was mentioned in the previous tip- it’s important to show your child you actually care about their learning of emotional skills.
Even though you don’t appreciate their actions or meltdown (especially in the case of a child rebelling against you or hurting someone), it's important to show them that you understand that they are learning, and you love them just the same.
Show them kindness by giving them some small things to help them move on and see that you don’t dislike them personally!
5: If the occasion requires, set a firm but loving boundary.
The word ‘boundary’ should not be interpreted as ‘yelling at your child’.
Respectful boundaries are what we need to model as parents.
Therefore getting all crazy mama on them and overstepping their boundaries means we are not showing them how to act in a heated, emotional situation.
So what do we do?
(Firstly, Don't forget to join my Facebook group Confident, Authentic Mamas!)
Tell the child with a gentle, firm tone (you may need to hold onto their arm and get down onto their level for this) that you understand they are angry (insert emotion here), but that you will not let them hurt their sister, or wreck the playroom, etc.
Give them an out-now you’ve told them what they won’t be doing, tell them what they can do.
Therefore you might come out with something like this:
‘I can see that you are angry because you are yelling so loudly, but I will not let you hit your sister. You can play with this car over here, while she finishes with that one. Come on, I’ll help you get it set up.’
This technique will probably involve some help and physical presence of your own for a few minutes-but if you don’t get proactive, prepare to keep having to be reactive!
So to help you help your child, here are those 5 tips again for you:
Emotions are normal
Emotions are to be understood, not necessarily silenced
Make sure the child is safe, but knows you’re there for him
Help your child settle down by introducing something comforting
If the occasion requires, set a firm but loving boundary.
What would you add to this list?
Lastly, if you want to find out more about understanding your child's emotions, don't miss my free downloadable PDF guide here!
Or would you like to find out more about how you can learn about emotional skills to HELP your child? Click here!
Have you tried any of these? How did it work for you? Leave your answer in the comments below!
Thanks for reading!
Find out how to calm your emotional child using positive parenting techniques and build their emotional skills. #toddlers #threeyearold #parenting #children #positiveparenting
Listen To The Mum Wellbeing Podcast Right Here - 15 Minute Episodes To Help You Move Through Your Mum Life!
You might be interested in these other posts:
3 Major Things Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers Need To Know For Your Own Family Emotional Health
Inner Critical Voice: What It Is & How To Actually Change Your Judgemental Habits
If You Want To Find Out About What I Do To Help You Recover Emotional Health and Gentle Parenting skills….
Help Mums find freedom from emotional stress and overwhelm
Ask questions, (lots of them) and every.single.client.so.far has had ‘Aha’ moments through the sounding-board effect of coaching with me,
Go through emotional embodiment practices to help you actually feel and process the emotions that are ‘stuck’ or that you keep trying to escape from (when you are ready, always)
Offer strategies around parenting (I have been coaching parents for over 5 years, and bring my teaching professional expertise to this)
I do this all via my Zoom consults, soon to be in-person consults offered too in the Geelong, Australia, area - but online to most places!
So don’t be stuck, because whether or not it’s myself, there are people out there who can help you with your emotional wellbeing, overwhelm and the huge stress that can occur in body and mind when you have a new baby and/or kids and all the other things we deal with as Mamas!