How to stop feeling like a failure as a parent

Stop feeling like a failure as a parent - you are not alone. Learn more about how this negative thinking cycle is impacting you; and let’s build more positive but practical thinking!

The amount of people out there who are feeling like a failure as a parent is staggering.

So many people are second-guessing themselves, feeling like they are ‘doing it wrong’; and just getting overwhelmed by playing the comparison game. If you feel like this, reading this post might just help you out with addressing that hard ‘I’m failing’ mindset.

Learning to STOP that negative thinking cycle takes effort.

And, as cliché as it sounds, it takes time.  

Everywhere you look on social media and IN the media, we can find Mamas who are being increasingly open about their struggles with anxiety, self confidence and feelings of unworthiness and overwhelm, on many different levels.

So I can stop feeling like a failure as a parent?

Yes! Even on those days when the kids don’t like you, when they keep pushing your buttons until you scream…and then you get hit with that Mama-guilt from the hurt little looks in their eyes - you can take those moments to remind yourself why you are not a failure.

Feeling like a failure happens to ALL parents at some point. Even if you feel like your situation is different, you are not alone!

I believe anyone has the potential to become a confident and empowered parent.

Why? Because ‘confidence’ doesn’t mean you are a certain ‘type’ of person.

It doesn’t mean you are always on time, always a leader in conversation, or amazingly stylish (although it could mean any or all of those things).

Confidence is defined as ‘the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something’.

In this case, yourself. (And if you’re a spiritual person, God.)

It’s to know your limits-and be OK with sometimes getting out of your comfort zone.

To feel like you are actually going to be fine.

An increase in confidence - in the context of how to stop feeling like a failure as a parent - may mean you feel any of these:

-Like you WILL actually make a meal your children will eat, fully.

-Like you might actually be able to feel free of those ‘chains’ of expectation, and live in relative happiness with your children and partner.

-Or that you WILL be able to feel in control of your emotions when you’re in the trenches of parenting small (or big) kids-and teach them to have patience too!

–Even that you can help your child learn to communicate, love themselves and become socially confident, when you may have never felt this way yourself.

Don’t forget the most important thing…

You alone are the person who was chosen to be your child’s parent. Even if they roll their eyes at some things you say. They don’t actually want that ‘cooler Mum’ to replace you.

You are their safe place.

As Dr. Suess says, ‘There’s no-one you-ier than you!’

So how can you go about restoring (or finding) some of that confidence for yourself, in a practical way-while showing your child that THEY can be a confident person, too?

Here’s a little practice you might try:

Over the course of 3 evenings, try thinking back over the day and identifying WHEN you felt the least confident.

What really rocked you, each day? Not just with your children, but with YOU.

What makes you get the cold sweats on the inside? Makes you feel embarrassed, flushed or like you want to crawl under a rock? Write down the feelings you had and what caused them.

After the third day, notice any correlation between those 3 times.

Do they all happen at the same time? Or do two out of three occur when you meet a certain person, or at school drop off?

 Now, if you’ve ever read Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, (it’s OK if you haven’t, but I recommend it), you will know that the way to stop the shape-shifting Boggart (great names, J.K. Rowling) is to think of a way to make it seem ridiculous.

Now this may make you laugh or roll your eyes, but hear me out.

Thinking on your feet is a very useful tool when you are trying to break out of that cycle of shame and negativity.

It’s the same thing.

So take that situation, that feeling when you feel judged by the school mums, or being ignored by your child like your own parents ignored you, or when you are just feeling that mental and emotional load so much…

When your child is not listening and you just can’t believe you are unable to get even a small kid to actually DO what you want them to.

Take THAT feeling-and think of a way you might help yourself feel a bit better if or when that situation happens again.

Something that can become, in my emotion-and-stress-coach language, a ‘resource of safety’. In other words, something that makes you feel safe, and like you can stand up and be confident in yourself just a little more.

It might mean you wear your favourite shoes to school pickup and just know that at least you’re comfortable-and we ALL love trackies for that reason, right?

Making space for confidence might mean you need to start a plan of making meals your kids like, BUT adding an ingredient they don’t for awhile, and increase it from there. (They eat it (or mostly), and you get in some nutrition-it’s a win win!)

When it comes to getting kids to listen, ask a friend how they manage it so well, or take a class to find out some handy strategies! My Masterclass Bundle is available very soon for you, including How to Teach your Child to Listen, Stop that Whining, and Play!

Making those situations seem ‘ridiculous’ may not necessarily help, but taking the time to think about them previously, helps a lot.

If we are prepared for something, we can already have a strategy in place to manage the situation (and our mental and emotional state)-and therefore we feel more in control and therefore a little more confident.

Because it works!

What can you do to prepare for these situations to help yourself start those little changes-that ultimately lead to a more confident you?

Remember, it’s the little, intentional changes that really add up to a changed mindset and life.

This is only one of many activities available to build self-confidence and start making those small changes.  It’s all about whether you want it bad enough to really get intentional about it.

If your personal confidence level is something bothering you, why not try it?

Need some peace …. less overwhelm…and/or a few strategies?

Miranda is a teacher-turned stress management and emotional wellbeing coach, for mums who are finding life overwhelming and stressful. She also authors wellbeing books such as Stop Mum Guilt and fantasy novels, as well as creates physical journals and products for women. If you feel overwhelmed, or are sick and tired of feeling that horrible guilt you carry around in your chest for ‘not doing everything well enough’, grab your 30% off call here as a new client!