New Mum Mental Health Routine to save you from the Burnout no-one wants
If you are a new Mum, you need a mental health routine.
You need a simple time and practice to be able to stop, breathe and give your overworked, overtired mama brain a break sometimes.
Getting into a routine once you have a newborn can be hard enough in itself - and it can get very overwhelming - not to mention all-consuming. All you hear from others is to look after yourself, too - to sleep when the baby sleeps, to take breaks when you can. But what about when you can’t sleep during the day, or when getting that housework done is actually a better idea for your mental health than sleep?
This simple, no-pressure new mum mental health routine is intended for mums of 6 week old babies onwards, because we all know those first 6 weeks are an absolute mud-wrestle of responsibilities, especially with your first child (although you stay in the thick of it for awhile anyway, we know.) This routine works just as well for mums of older kids; but it’s a new habit to get into as a new mum, so don’t feel the pressure, don’t get overwhelmed, but take these simple strategies into account, so you can be the mum you want to be without burning out.
New Mum Mental Health Routine
Write things down if you can.
You might remember everything, be able to remember what your child needs, the minute they woke up and need feeding - but you might forget to hang the washing on the line, or look after yourself. In other words, you are so focused on what is going on with your child, you can wear yourself out fully - and because your child isn’t going anywhere, you need to implement some routine for your own mental health as easily as possible.
I can’t count the amount of clients I see who have totally disregarded themselves in order to care for their child. (I know a lot about this too - this used to literally be my story.) Hear me out: It IS more important to care for your child, especially when they can’t care for themselves. But if we don’t also look after ourselves, we can impede our future ability to be emotionally present for them. Think oxygen masks - add yours, maybe not first, but not after you are almost totally out of oxygen, either!
A balanced new mum mental health routine means you don’t just look after yourself physically.
If we only look after ourselves physically, yet our mind is racing constantly with thoughts of the child, the house, the family - all the tabs open - it means we are adding a lot of mental stress to ourselves. Add to this the emotional stress of a child with an ear infection, or a cold, or anything - and this can be an unbelievable acute stress load.
As a new mum, your mental health routine is tied to your physical health routine (after all, exercising promotes endorphins, healthy digestion, gets us out in the Vitamin D, and all those other things we need) - but by only working on physical health, are we not neglecting mental and emotional health?
So how do we go about enacting a new mum’s mental health routine?
Get your calendar, or your diary. Find a 15-30 minute time slot in that time, and set it aside for YOU to stop thinking about everything.
A few caveats:
-We all know the baby will cry during that time and you will be frustrated. Just tell yourself that when bubs settles, you HAVE to take that time if you can.
-We also all know that it’s hard to stop thinking! Train yourself by becoming aware of your thinking, and every time you realise you have whirling thoughts, try a mindfulness technique like my Firefly technique to calm your mind - or simply focus on watching the trees move in the wind.
This strategy pays dividends the more you stick at it, so let’s practice! Remember, no-one gets it perfect first go, either, usually!
Be Mindful of your expectations on yourself
Most of us have expectations that are WAY too high for our own poor bodies and minds - let alone the expectations we may have on our partners as a new mum. Becoming a mum is like a baptism of fire - because suddenly you have this little person who is totally dependent on you to meet their needs.
It gets easier but harder in many ways as the child grows - meaning that while you will not always be up in the middle of the night changing nappies, you will still be called upon every minute or three to be counsellor, nurse, listening ear, emotional support, toy-fixer, entertainer at times, as well as my personal favourite, food-preparer. (not.)
If we expect ourselves to be absolute geniuses in every single experience with our children, we are kidding ourselves.
Like at work, there are different people fulfilling different roles. It’s not expected that you fulfil everybody’s role - because it’s too much.
This mental health routine for new mums is all about giving yourself some understanding, self-compassion and slack to be normal, human - and to still be learning as you manage all the jobs you now need to deal with.
Kids don’t come with a manual - because not one of them is the same. Be aware of what you are expecting of yourself; and be careful to mediate what you take on board of others’ expectations, too. They might have them - but unless they are your partner you don’t need to listen unless you want to.
Using this new mum mental health routine may be a little new at first, but it will help you to drop the expectations you have on yourself to a manageable level - and help you stop that mum burnout, decrease your stress load, and help you feel like you can do this. Because, Mama - you really can. You’re perfect for the job.
Miranda is a teacher-turned stress management and emotional wellbeing coach, for mums who are finding life overwhelming and stressful. She also authors wellbeing books and fantasy novels, as well as creates physical journals and products for women. If you feel overwhelmed, or are sick and tired of feeling that horrible guilt you carry around in your chest for ‘not doing everything well enough’, grab your 30% off call here as a new client!
