The 4 Parenting Styles and how understanding them can help you improve your parenting

What are the 4 parenting styles -and how can understanding them help you become a better parent?

The 4 parenting styles are extremely helpful to understand as a parent-regardless of the age of your child. However this is of huge importance because parents are looking for guidance, ideas and ways to be the best parent they can be for the whole of their child's childhood. And, we all have our own childhood ‘lenses’ we see through, and we usually bring in a lot of attitudes, ideas and expectations that may be subconscious for us, but influential for our children.

For starters, all parents and children are unique, with different connections, relationships and practices.

However, there has been much research into this topic over the last century, with one of the most notable being Diana Baurmind, who devised the 4 Parenting Styles in the 1960s.

(BEFORE you think 'this is outdated', understand that this parenting theory underpins most of the parenting understandings we know in society today.)

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According to parentingforbrain.com,

'Baumrind’s theory is that there is a close relationship between the type of parenting style and children’s behavior. Different parenting styles can lead to different child development and child outcomes.'

Diana Baurmind focused on preschooler behaviour and what it tells us about the style of parenting they are exposed to.

See here for my article about 'How to Understand how your Threenager Thinks'

In this article we will cover:

An overview of Baurmind's 4 Parenting Styles:
Authoritarian
Permissive
Neglectful
Authoritative
Why learning about these parenting styles can actually help you become a better parent-especially to your 0-6 year old (which is my focus in both my classes, blog and client sessions - click here on my Emotional Health Bookings page to find out more about what I do)

An overview of the 4 parenting styles from Baurmind:

#1: Authoritarian

The Authoritarian parenting style can be best described as the style many parents of today experienced growing up.

These sentiments sum it up:

'Children should be seen and not heard'

'Do what you're told, or else'

Parents who fall into the Authoritarian category expect their child to obey instantly, are very strict, and while they are great at looking after their child's physical wellbeing, may not have much time for teaching their small child about emotional intelligence, independence or listening to their child's ideas or contributions.

This is how many people thought (and parented) years ago, and there are still many parents who at least attempt to parent this way today.

In my opinion, this is one of the hardest parenting styles to change over generations.

Why?

Because moving the expectations of 'I had to listen or else, when I was a kid', to actually making the space for listening to your own child, is a big jump for many early parents.

Another major part of the Authoritarian parenting style means these parents are 'unresponsive' to their children.

This doesn't necessarily go so far as to mean they just completely ignore them, but means they don't really let their children's opinions or issues sway them much at all.

Authoritarian parents are literally controlling everything that a parent can control-and expecting the child to follow along.

And lastly, they have very high expectations on their child.

This creates an atmosphere (for the child) that means they learn little independence, learn that failure isn't acceptable, and that their views are not required.

This is not healthy for a child-and for a little child, this inhibits their optimum development.

Preschoolers, toddlers and children up to age 7 are in the preoperational stage, when they learn SO much about their world (and what they are allowed to 'do' in it) that it impacts them for the rest of their life.

For my Live series on the Preoperational Stage and Emotional Strategies to teach your child emotional intelligence, watch Youtube here!

#2: Authoritative Parenting Style

This parenting style is generally considered the most effective from both a child and parent's point of view.

An Authoritative parent has healthy boundaries and helps their child keep them, has high responsiveness and high expectations.

When you have both of these things, as opposed to the Authoritarian style where only expectations are high, you create a nurturing environment for your children.

High expectations mean children have great goals and standards set for them, while high responsiveness means the parent is willing to help the child achieve his goals.

This is a great combination, because the child can learn a growth mindset and learn to try, without being too scared of failure-because his mum or dad 'has his back' and can help him decide what to do next.

Parents who are Authoritative are sometimes known as democratic parents.

encourage their children to be independent, learn for themselves, and work hard, but they also teach them to communicate with their parent with two-directional communication.

They want the child's input, but they expect to have their own input too. They want to teach the child, but connect with them too on their own level.

Children who have Authoritative parents are often:

More confident and independent
More active and socially adept
Securely attached
Have a higher self-esteem
Have better mental health

Of all the 4 parenting styles, the Authoritative parenting style is considered the most balanced and connection-based overall.

#3: Permissive Parenting Style

It's clear just by the name of this parenting style, that it is very different from Authoritarian.

A permissive parent is one who lets the child lead, either in decision making, ideas, and basically indulges in the child 'a little too much.'

Permissive parenting may sound like you are 'enjoying your child', and 'just appreciating the time you have' and so on (which is actually quite beautiful); but the implications of continuing this parenting style are huge for your child.

Children who are parented in this way often display:

Poor self-control
Lower social skills
A higher entitlement thought process because they are egocentric

They also are at a greater risk of having a harder time in relationships, because they are used to being at the centre of importance and power in the home-and this doesn't translate to being a team player.

Permissive parents are third on the 'parenting spectrum' as it were.

If you think you are a permissive parent, think about your day today, or yesterday. What did you do? Who decided the course of the day? Why?

Note: Many children try a power struggle throughout their childhood-and this is normal and healthy! This does not mean you are a permissive parent necessarily.

This style of parenting involves the consistent 'giving in' to your child and following their lead with everything once they are old enough to fit in with the family.

Permissive parents are highly responsive and over-attentive to their child, whereas the Authoritarian parents are unresponsive.

Permissive parents are often driven by the child's needs and wants, whereas the Authoritarian may not take these into account at all.

#4: Neglectful Parenting

This is the most neglectful style of parenting a child. (See what I did there?)

Parents who are neglectful have low responsiveness, and low expectations of their child.

These parents may often have their own emotional or mental issues to deal with, and are therefore essentially uninvolved in their child's lives except on a physical needs basis.

The lack of expectations on a child, coupled with the lack of responsiveness, means that the child does not have a parent who thinks they can achieve anything, and means that even if they do their parent will not care or necessarily celebrate with them.

It is hard to describe the damage this must do to a child.

Many adults grew up with this parenting style and know the damage this total lack of interest can do emotionally.

Children who are parented in the Neglectful style may struggle with:

Addiction problems
Impulsiveness
People-pleasing behaviours
Mental health issues
Emotional self-regulation

In my opinion, however, if you are reading this article on parenting styles you probably aren't a neglectful parent but one who is looking to understand and improve their parenting.

Smart Mama Smart Kids: Smart Mama Smart Kids Parenting: Learn about the 4 Parenting Styles and how you can become a better parent by understanding your own parenting style. Try the parenting style quiz! #parents #motherhood #preschoolers #children #strategies #threeyearold

Try the Parenting Style quiz to work out which one you are!

How can knowing Baurmind's 4 Parenting Styles help me become a better parent now?

By understanding these styles, you can assess the outcomes and child behaviours and predictions. You can choose to reevaluate your own style and add more love, firmer boundaries and bring in more independence for your child.

If you want a warm, connected relationship with your child from the earliest moment possible, well done! It’s well worth working towards, and many of my clients have shown a sense of relief as we start actually working towards this as a goal.

Listen To The Mum Wellbeing Podcast Right Here - 15 Minute Episodes To Help You Move Through Your Mum Life!

You might be interested in these other posts:

How To Start Your Healing Journey For Emotional Health - When You Don’t Want To Be An Angry Mum Anymore

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Inner Critical Voice: What It Is & How To Actually Change Your Judgemental Habits