Healthy relationships and Parenting as a Team
Hands up who finds it hard to maintain healthy relationships and parent as a team? If you have small kids, you will know that this is extremely important, and if you can’t structure your relationship well, the pressure of parenthood can often cause strain on your relationship with your partner.
Many new parents are looking for exactly how to navigate the minefield of early parenting (especially with little sleep) and still maintain a healthy relationship and parenting as a team where both parents feel appreciated and valued.
This post will cover these tips on healthy relationships for early years parents:
1: Take the initiative
2: Communicate-don’t assume!
3: Determine your priorities
For a full low-down with practical examples from my own life and relationship, don’t forget to look at the corresponding video version below!
Watch the full video on Youtube here!
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links, which means when clicked on I may receive a small commission - which support my blog - at zero extra cost to you. Thanks for your support!
Healthy Relationships and Parenting as a Team
Do You Find It Hard To Maintain Healthy Relationships And Parent As A Team? If You Have Small Kids, You Will Know That This Is Extremely Important, And If You Can’t Structure Your Relationship Well, The Pressure Of Parenthood Can Often Cause Marriage problems. #positiveparenting #christianity #Motherhood
Firstly, before we even start with the strategies, you need to THINK of yourself and your partner as a team.
And as they say, there’s no ‘I’ in TEAM. Selfishness always results in the team functioning less effectively than it otherwise could.
If you’re part of a team at work, or a sports team, you aren’t there to ‘get more’ out of it.
It’s all about what you can give and take, in a beautiful flow between people.
Ideally, each person will be giving and taking.
And, just for those who are reading this thinking ‘But my partner doesn’t do this’, or ‘my partner doesn’t put in’ or ‘WHY don’t they just try?’?
If things aren’t working, don’t think about what the other person is doing, think about what you can do to change it.
Which brings me to my first point.
1: Take the initiative for a healthy relationship.
First of all, this does not mean you need to be in charge or bossy. Being a leader requires delegation-but you personally aren’t the leader of the team. You are the CO-LEADERS of the team.
This means taking the initiative can be something small like asking for help. It can be something like asking your partner to help bath the kids, read a story, or do something for you.
Show your partner what you want and how you would like it done-but be OK with them showing you how THEY want things done, too.
Read my short ebook here: Stop Mum Guilt!
Again, take the initiative and ask, show or tell your partner how you would like him to be more involved in a certain part of the day.
This is hard, but we need to let go of control sometimes as a Mama. If your husband baths the kids and doesn't do it exactly the same as you do, the kids are still clean (even if it's just water-clean!).
Don't get too caught up in the process-the end result is the same.
If it isn't the same, have a respectful and light hearted discussion about it LATER-not the minute he finishes with the kids.
2: Communicate-don't assume!
Having a healthy relationship and parenting as a team is completely reliant upon communication between you and your partner.
Every marriage book, parenting tool, course, you name it, involves increasing or refining communication between couples-and parenting as a team is no different!
Communication is key, and healthy relationship are built on good communication.
Tony Robbins says that of all our communication, only 7% is actually verbal.
So the rest is through body language, tone, the way you are standing, where you are looking, the environment, your emotion, and so on.
Read this about Calming an Emotional Child
Examples of non-verbal communication:
Giving your partner a hug, high five or touch their shoulder
Waving to them when they go to work (kids too)
Using a happy tone when you speak
Getting the kids to go and see them when they get home from work, etc
These things may seem insignificant, but these are massively important.
The way you communicate and the consistency of how you communicate with your partner is crucial when you have small kids.
Even if you just have a small baby, the Mama is often home with that baby a lot of the time.
You know every nuance and need of that little one and can therefore be very efficient at caring for his needs.
But your partner doesn't.
(This is the moment when things become an issue, for many Mamas)
In these moments, try to remember what it feels like when someone tells you what to do.
This healthy relationship between you has changed for your partner-and he might be happy to follow your lead.
15 Mum Guilt Quotes for Overwhelmed Mums
But sometimes, he may not. This is when you need to be sharing what works for you and bub-and giving him the option of whether to do that, or follow their own ideas and bond with their child themselves while they learn together.
After all, it's exactly what you are and have been doing, isn't it?
Even us Mamas are just learning and using trial and error, especially with our first child!
Read this about how to stay healthy while breastfeeding
If he's willing to try, give your partner the gift of learning and interacting with your child-and you go have a shower or something.
Finally, remember: don't act like a know-it-all or 'I told you so' if he gets it wrong and needs help. You don't know everything, you're just more practiced!
(This one is a real, big, dampener for healthy relationships. Respect is lost in 'I told you so', with children, partners or work colleagues.)
We do not know what each other means in a healthy relationship if we do not communicate well.
Let's not assume that our partner knows what we are talking about unless we make it clear. (And nor do we, if we don't listen to them!)
3: Decide on priorities
Decide what needs to get done through the day, or through the week.
Sometimes we can't do the things we want to do because we haven't done what we need to do.
It's the same principle for healthy relationships when we are parenting as a team.
Decide what you want to be a BIG priority and communicate that.
Listen to your partner's priorities and take note!
Do this for the housework, but also with the kids.
Having a priority for what you will put up with in your child's behaviour is extremely helpful as they grow.
For example, our kids being honest is right up at the top of our list of what we want. So both my husband and myself consider lying to be a very serious thing for our kids, and we deal with it as such.
In early parenting these discussions can often be more about 'who does what' with running the house.
Again, make a list of 3 top small priorities for what he wants done in the house, and what you want done.
Read this post: How to be Productive as a Stay at Home Mama
Remember, if one of you is home all day even with a baby, that person will probably have the bigger jobs because they *usually* have time to get them done bit by bit. However make sure the priorities are achievable-not 'clean the house' but 'keep the bench tidy' or 'take out the bin', or 'have the floor mopped'.
Then, BOTH of you focus on making those happen! Get busy!
Aim for 3 days per week of having completed your partner's priorities before they come home.
Don't worry about if they are doing it too, but just hold up your end of the bargain. Focus on what you are doing for your partner, not on what they are doing for you.
This shows them:
That you respect them
That you love them
That you CARE about your relationship
That you have listened to what they said
That you are still invested in making an effort for them, even if you are also busy with a baby.
However, don't work yourself to the bone-and remember some days you won't be able to complete these things. It's OK-give yourself grace and space, but work towards it for the sake of your healthy relationship.
Conclusion
Working towards healthy relationships and parenting as a team is a lot of hard work. But NOT doing it is a lot harder.
Be proactive, work on your relationship WHILE you are parenting your young children-and allow your partner to be involved with their child, rather than stifling any attempt or critiquing it.
Listening to each other and allowing space in your relationship for BOTH of you to not be perfect but to try hard, is very important.
Just keep it real, simple and manageable for both of you-for you and your child's sake.
Listen To The Mum Wellbeing Podcast Right Here - 15 Minute Episodes To Help You Move Through Your Mum Life!
You might be interested in these other posts:
3 Major Things Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers Need To Know For Your Own Family Emotional Health
Inner Critical Voice: What It Is & How To Actually Change Your Judgemental Habits
Rediscover your Emotional Health and be the Mama you want to be
With my 1:1 Zoom clients, I:
Ask questions, (lots of them) and every.single.client.so.far has had ‘Aha’ moments through the sounding-board effect of coaching with me,
Go through emotional embodiment practices to help you actually feel and process the emotions that are ‘stuck’ or that you keep trying to escape from (when you are ready, always)
Offer strategies around parenting (I have been coaching parents for over 5 years, and bring my teaching professional expertise to this)
If requested, bring prayer and Christian-based faith principles to the conversation, including helping you rebuild or find that ‘sweet spot’ in your relationship with God.
Don’t ignore your emotional wellbeing, overwhelm and the huge stress that can occur in body and mind for you as you navigate parenting. We can all do with a little help sometimes.
How to Parent as a Team. Be a better parent by working together with your partner. #parenting #howto #positiveparenting